How trauma therapy is like a good massage
I use a lot of analogies to describe trauma and the therapy process. This one was inspired by one of my favorite self care activities: massage!
Imagine you have a deep painful knot buried in your shoulder muscle. (Anyone who has logged too many hours at computer desk would be familiar with this). The knot is so deep that you can’t always feel it, but you do notice it makes all the other muscles around it hurt too. Maybe you can feel some pain in your neck that might not seem connected to the shoulder knot, but after awhile it starts to become unbearable.
A good masseuse, like a good therapist, will warm you up before tackling the deeper issue. Building trust is key to any therapeutic relationship, but especially important in preparing to work on healing trauma.
If I just came at you with the mental equivalent of an elbow into your sore shoulder blade, you probably would quit therapy right there on the spot because it was too painful and sudden. Just like massage therapists gather information about where it hurts in your body, I spend several sessions gathering your trauma history. Rarely, if ever, is this a linear process. I learn new parts of my clients’ stories months and sometimes years into our work together as things start to shift.
The “work” we do around the trauma—like learning how to identify emotions, cope with stress in healthier ways and gain insight into what motivates certain behaviors or beliefs about ourselves—is like the delicious kneading of muscles around the knot, relieving tension in the body while also preparing it for deeper tissue work.
Massage therapists will often check in with their client throughout the session to make sure the pressure is not too firm. Similarly, I like to take the pulse of my clients throughout our work together to ensure that the pace at which we are processing trauma feels supportive. Processing trauma is rarely comfortable per say, but if we need to adjust anything to make the processing smoother (like slow down or revisit some grounding skills or coping strategies) I am happy to accommodate my clients. In my opinion, this is the foundation of good trauma work and helps to even out the power differential that can exist in a client/therapist relationship. Remember, whether you are receiving a massage or engaging in EMDR or other trauma therapy, you are the expert of your own body!
